Where Do We Draw the Line?

I see a lot of people have trouble between a balance of self care and selfishness. It comes down to who and what should our priorities be. It’d be wrong to say that anyone could function without a break. Without sometime to ourselves to recuperate and take a breather. It’s important that you take care of yourself, in both a mental and physical aspect to ensure your well being. But what exactly counts as self-care? If I were to spend the night at home instead of going out with some friends because my social battery was drained, that might be considered self-care. However if I were to skip out on a family reunion because I was simply too lazy, that might not count as self-care but instead an act of selfishness. I come to wonder what’s the difference between the two? Is it because one event might be more important than the other? Or is it because of the different groups of people they involve. It seems that even though at the end of the day we make the decision ourselves of whether to sacrifice and spend less time on ourselves or to not and spend more time on ourselves, there will always be factors that play in making that decision, and there will always be others to judge. It just goes to show that there will always be the question of when is it right to out ourselves before others and when is it wrong?

Were Not Really Strangers

However, this no yes or no question. Considering the many factors that play in when you have to decide, and the many opinions that come after. The answer of what you should do will differ in every scenario, and will differ in every opinion. So what is the right thing to do? Where do we draw the line between self care and selfishness? For me the answer is this, there is no clear right or wrong when deciding, all you can do is take into account the opinion of those who you value and simply decide what to do by following what you think is right.

I think it’s safe to say that a situation where you have debate whether it is selfish or just self care is a lose lose. This is because your decision is not going to be everyone’s favorite, and it’s not always going to go with their morals.We see this in a couple of citations in catfish and mandala. The scenario that sticks out the most to me however is when Pham decides to go against what his grandaunt tells him and gives money to a beggar girl and her blind mom. “He looked slighted but it no longer mattered to me, his feelings, his culture, Vietnamese. Honor. Obligations. Respect. I hated it all.” In this situation Pham was asked by his family and grandaunt to not give the beggars because it went against Vietnamese society and norms. The usual standards they had didn’t align with Pham and what he believed was right. So it comes down to does Pham go with what his family wants from him, or what he wants from himself. In this situation, Pham chose to go with what he believed in. Instead of catering to those around him, he catered to himself and with his own needs which is his own way of self-care. If he had chosen to obey his family then he wouldn’t have been satisfied, and because he chose to do what he wanted his family wasn’t satisfied. In this outcome not everyone could be happy, so the only thing for Pham to do was to trust in what he believed.

The question of right and wrong is still debated in many ways. Someone from a background of poverty to someone born with privilege will obviously have different viewpoints. I draw this conclusion from a passage comparing the ethics between spending your money on your own pleasures or to spending it on those who are less fortunate. The passage states “In the end, what is the ethical distinction between a Brazilian who sells a homeless child to organ peddlers and an American who already has a TV and upgrades to a better one — knowing that money could be donated to an organization to would use ut to save the lives of kids in need?” (Peter Singer) In this situation I think everyone would say it’s safe to say that donating the money might be the better way to spend it, however that is without taking into account any factors in a situation like that. It’s obviously arguable that donating the money is a better cause, but what comes after that? Some people might argue that because you have money does not mean you are obliged to donate it elsewhere. Although it might help one kid in need, there are still many other kids who would need help as well so not everyone would enjoy the benefits. As well as that might be the case it is also arguable that helping one person at a time is still better than helping no one. As we can see that there are no winners in this situation, because everyone has their own beliefs of what counts as helping people and everyone has their own opinion of how they should spend their money. I don’t believe there is a right or wrong answer because every position varies. What you choose to do is your decision, if helping people brings you raise and is your self-care than by all means, and if you think they’re other ways to help then you might not be right for someone to call you selfish.

Now although we have brought up two different scenarios with two different views on what is selfish and what is self care to oneself, I shrill enjoy one more person’s view on the matter. This is an honest take about self care from a group known as WNRS (we’re not really strangers). Their beliefs on self care and what draws the line are honest but are also what I believe are the truth. In their fourth point about self-care they say “Don’t neglect yourself taking care of someone else. You don’t owe anyone your time, a quick text back, or emotional support when you need to be giving it to yourself first.” (WNRS) To me this statement is something to follow by if you want to spend more time on yourself and more time on your self-care. The reality is that you are going to disappoint some people with your decision whether it allows you to focus on yourself or other people. People who don’t agree are going to see it as selfish while those who are doing it will see it as a way of self-care. There are no winners and losers, but at the end of the day only ourselves and those around us. It will affect people in different ways but I don’t think its entirely our job to worry. If you care for some people that might affect your decision, but if you’re in a palace to care about yourself then that might ultimately be the deciding factor in your decision. Besides following the law, there are no set rules of what determines right and wrong. The best thing you can do is follow what you want to do whether it is what you think is right for yourself or what you think is right for those you care about. Make that decision, and have no regrets about it.